Transcription:A Very Dragon Ball Z Christmas
Scene 1 (Stockings of Goku, Gohan, Goten, and Chi-chi are seen hung up on top of a fireplace.) *'Gohan': Dad, could you kick an Angel's ass? *'Goku': You're damn right I could. (A loud thumping is heard on the roof as Goku and Gohan look around.) *'Gohan': Is that Santa on the roof? *'Goku': Well if not, I've got a present for him! (Goku opens up a present to reveal that it is a handgun. He cocks and loads it. Santa Claus is seen tumbling down the chimney and into Goku's house.) *'Gohan': Santa! Santa! *'Santa': Oh, my mother fucking knee! Aw fuck! Shit! Aw fuck it! Fuck it all to hell that hurts like a mother fucker! *'Gohan': Dad, what's a scrotum? *'Goku': (stutters, trying to change the subject) So Santa, what happened? *'Santa': Bandits Goku. They stole all my Reindeer, and all of the presents, and my pants! (Santa gets up to reveal that he is naked from the waist down. Goku covers Gohan's eyes to prevent him from looking.) Scene 2 (Cut scene At the north pole, The Nutcracker, Composite Santa Claus, and The Little Drummer Boy are seen in front of Santa's Reindeer.) *'Nutcracker': Hahahaha! Christmas is ours! *'Reindeer #1': You'll never get away with this! *'Composite Santa': Hohoho! I've got 5 good reasons for you to shut up. (Composite Santa Claus wipes out a gun and shoots the reindeer to his death while counting up to 5 simultaneously. Goku and Gohan peek out from beside a tree.) *'Gohan': Dad, who are those guys? *'Goku': Kung Fu Legends. (As Goku introduces him, a demonstration of the Little Drummer Boy is seen as he conjures up demons with his drums.) *'Goku': That's the Little Drummer Boy, whose mystical drum conjures demons most foul. (As Goku introduces him, a demonstration of the Nutcracker is seen as he kicks Mike Lazzo five times in the groin until one last kick finally makes Mike keel over.) *'Goku': The Nutcracker, who knows over 100 different testicle-based attacks. (As Goku introduces him, a demonstration of Composite Santa is seen as he tries to look intimidating.) *'Goku': --And Composite Santa Claus, who looks like one half Santa, and one half Frosty the Snowman. *'Gohan': What are Composite Santa's powers? *'Goku': I don't know, but he freaks me right the fuck out. (Upon hearing Goku talk about them, Composite Santa turns around and spots Goku and Gohan.) *'Composite Santa': Intruders! *'Drummer Boy': I will conjure a demon with my magical drum! Hahahahaha! (The Little Drummer Boy proceeds to play his drum, creating 6 demons before Goku and Gohan before he drops his drumsticks in the snow.) *'Goku': Spirit BOOOOOOOOMMMMBB!!! *'Gohan': YELLING REALLY LOUD!! (Goku and Gohan then blasts little Drummer Boy away using their Father-Son Kamehameha technique. In the process, their blasts accidently kills two reindeers.) *'Reindeers': HOLY SHIT!! (The Nutcracker looks at what Goku and Gohan did to Drummer Boy and gasps in horror as Gohan is seen riding the Nimbus towards him.) *'Gohan': I'll get this one dad. (The Nutcracker shakes his fist at Gohan but is then knocked over and covered by the Nimbus Cloud with Gohan on top of it.) *'Gohan': You're not so tough! *'Nutcracker': Testicle Attack #49! (punches Gohan in the groin through the Nimbus Cloud) *'Gohan': OW! My Dragon Balls! (Goku is now seen in the area and is powering up while shouting loudly. Composite Santa does the same, but is standing on the ground. Goku then charges at Composite Santa while they are both shouting simultaneously until Composite Santa states...) *'Composite Santa': Okay I got nothing. (Goku is then seen charging and firing a Kamehameha Wave at the Nutcracker destroying him. As Compote Santa turns to see, his Snowman side melts in an instant.) *'Composite Santa': OH! Temperatures over 32 degrees Fahrenheit! My only weakness! (Collapses to the ground and dies) *'Goku': (Exhausted and panting, is joined by Gohan, who is still holding his groin) We... Did it... *'Mrs. Santa': Fools! (Mrs. Santa is seen flying on the scene and lands besides Goku and Gohan.) *'Goku': Mrs. Santa? *'Mrs. Santa': That's right. The mastermind behind this evil attack on Christmas is me! *'Goku': But why? *'Mrs. Santa': It all started at the North Pole. I started getting Terrible Headaches. (Mrs. Santa is seen at Santa's Workshop in a flashback, he is seen holding her head in pain and is joined by two elves.) *'Elf': Mrs. Claus? Are you okay? (Using some form of telepahty, Mrs. Santa knocks both Elf into the walls beside her, killing them in a brutal display.) *'Mrs. Santa': At first I taught it really was my period but that was not the case as I hit menopause centuries ago. (The Drummer boy comes and does a rim shot, dropping the sticks and leaves the scene.) *'Mrs. Santa': Polar radiation forced an evolutionary change in me. Now I want revenge. (Suddenly, Mrs. Santa mutated into a huge blob.) *'Santa': Darling, nooooooo!!!! *'Tetsuo': Noooooooooo!!!! (Santa just realized that he's there as he continues shouting and then stops as Santa sighs) *'Goku': (To the reindeer) Gohan and I need a minute to rest. It's up to you for now. *'Gohan': I-I think one of them popped! *'Reindeer #2': It's payback time! Let's beat her up so bad, her kids will inherit the bruises! *'Reindeer #3': Yeah, we'll hit her so hard; she'll starve to death rolling! *'Reindeer #2': She's so ugly; we'll push her face in dough and make gorilla biscuits! *'Reindeer #3': She so black, when she go to night school, teacher mark her absent! *'Santa': Tha-that-that's still my wife, guys! *'Both Reindeer': Kiillll!! (The reindeer attack her; but are quickly killed from her attack. Just then Rudolph shoots a red laser beam using his nose.) *'Reindeer #4': Whoa, your nose shoots lasers?! *'Rudolph': You don't think there was a reason it glows red? What does yours shoot? (Reindeer #4 blows boogers from his snout) Eww! To think I wanted to play your games! (So after Goku and Gohan recover, They both fire a Kamehameha Wave at the mutated Mrs. Claus while Rudolph shoots her with a laser beam. As they continue, the mutated Mrs. Claus shows signs of instability of herself) *'Santa': She's grown too gigantic and unstable. (To the viewers) Women, am I right, fellas? (Goku, Gohan, and Rudolph continue firing until Mrs. Claus turns into a beam shooting up in the air and explodes, leaving only a snowflake falling down towards Gohan's hand.) *'Goku': The Tenka'ichi Budôkai is finally complete. *'Santa': What the fuck are you talking about? Was that even English? What happened to my wife? (A reindeer eats the snowflake and Santa sighs) This is the last time I bring presents to Japan. (The Little Drummer Boy appears, does a rim shot, and drops his sticks. Everyone looks at him as he leaves the scene.) A Very Dragon Ball Z Christmas